Title: Connector

Gender: Female

Age: 37

Sun Sign: Taurus

Chinese Sign: Water Rat

Location: San Anselmo, CA

I immigrated to the San Francisco Bay area from Hong Kong with my extremely traditional Chinese parents at age five months and grew up in a low-income neighborhood, surrounded by single-parent homes, overcrowded apartments and less-than-affluent friends, many of whom fantasized of living the gangster lifestyle. During this time, I developed a strong sense of compassion for those known as “unders”: underprivileged, underdogs, or underdeveloped. As an under myselfa first generation immigrant from a working-class familyI burned to understand the needs, problems, feelings, and views of others like me, others who had to work extra hard to be perceived as normal.

My desire to grasp the reality of the unders increased ten-fold in high school when I came upon a seminal book in my life, J.D. Salinger's “The Catcher in the Rye,” about a cynical teenager, Holden Caufield, who experiences the phoniness of the adult world, and when asked what he would like to do when he gets older, Holden replies, “Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around–nobody big, I mean–except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff–I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going. I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.” Inspired by this quote, I made a vow in high school to do what he had envisioned: to protect innocent children from harmful societal programming and the trap of a judgment-based culture.

Somewhere along the line, however, I let my parents expectations guide my choices and found myself headed down a road I did not choose. I sought a safe academic degree, one that my humble family would approve of for their first-born: Sales and Marketing. In doing so, I lost track of my vow.

After college, my addictions to fame and recognition led me to Hollywood to pursue the biggest commanding and prominent mediums: Television and Movies. I landed my first job as a Junior Publicist for A-list talent such as Cindy Crawford, Nicholas Cage, Samuel Jackson, John Lithgow and Alec Baldwin, acting as a liaison between the stars and the movie studios, television networks and print publications. Here I learned how to write persuasively, creating an illusory image for increased adulation from the public eye.

Then I got connected with Steven Spielberg. Watching “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” almost 20 times as a child had cemented Spielberg as my idol and mentor, a creative visionary with passion, determination and the imagination of a child. When I read in the industry trades that he and two other entertainment moguls were forming a studio called DreamWorks, I tenaciously found my entry point in their marketing department.

Although my life wasn't balanced, my ego loved being invited to the top parties and events in Hollywood. I had successfully annihilated my status as an “under”, replacing it with “self”: self-seeking, self-absorbed, self-centered, and self-serving.

Then September 11th happened, and suddenly fame and fortune seemed miniscule. I couldnt abstain from anguishing over the endless options of thoughts of the victims before making their definitive decision to jump from the Twin Towers, some even holding hands, to escape from the inferno. Imagining the innumerable versions of possible regrets in my head, I suddenly had an impetuous urge to lead a life with intent. Ironically, it was at this time that I discovered another important book, Don Miguel Ruiz's “The Four Agreements.” This book would change my life, giving me the courage to question my illusions of success. The first agreement in the book resonated with me the most: “To be impeccable with your words, and to use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love.” I started questioning my possessions, my belief systems, and my distorted self-images. I began asking, “Why am I here?” I could almost hear an inner voice say, “To do good things.” Thus, without having to survive a near death experience, I was given the opportunity to begin the search for my own jeweled core. I had an epiphany: my inane life needed to change.

I began stripping off unsolicited layers and perceived successes one-by-one. I quit my job, sold my possessions, and in what would be the most difficult decision of my life, called off my wedding. Ironically, the very night my relationship ended, I received a letter from Outward Bound South Africa, to whom I had inquired months earlier. They were asking for my help. The timing could not have been more impeccable.

I bought a ticket to South Africa to volunteer my services as the Logistics Coordinator and Counselor working with disadvantaged and troubled youths from the poorest neighborhoods in the country. I fervently helped them to maximize their potential as leaders and team players through experiential learning that included hiking, sailing, abseiling and rock climbing on 21-day expeditions. Without any training to work with kids or in the outdoors, I felt more physically and emotionally challenged than ever before. But I learned to cultivate patience and persevere when I became overwhelmed or frustrated, and summoned the courage to work through the most daunting challenges. At times, I felt that my investment in these troubled teens was squandered as many of them would end up back in gangs, jail or even dead when they returned home but I resigned myself to the fact that making a difference in at least one child's life makes all the difference in the world. For the first time in awhile, I was unearthing that childhood dream to be like Holden Caulfield, but this time with an added desire to contribute to a more sustained program at the global level.

When my eight-month contract was over, I wanted to propel myself to higher challenges, so I ventured out into Africa, witnessed the corruption and suffering throughout the continent and ended up in the village of Cape Maclear, Malawi.

Cape Maclear is a village with no electricity or running water and over 10,000 inhabitants. I intuitively felt that this was the place to stay put and to do good work. For free room and board, I managed the only locally-owned backpackers hostel, volunteered at an Aids orphanage down the dirt road and began learning basic survival skills.

Despite having hardly more than their mud huts, the Malawians were the happiest people I'd met in sub-Saharan Africa. One would never guess the day-to-day struggles they endured just to meet their basic needs. Men walked for hours to bring back supplies of coal and fuel from town and fished from sunset to sunrise in their dugout canoes, bringing home meals of tiger fish, chambo, usipa, and kampango (catfish). Women chopped and carried heavy loads of wood down from the mountains on their heads, and endlessly pounded corn into flour, creating their staple diet, nsima. Witnessing their daily life humbled my soul. I had to let go of my pre-judgments, impatience and intolerance, learn how to differentiate my needs and wants and let go of my perpetual desires for convenience. Africa helped strip off 29 years of parental and societal conditioning, making me realize that I wanted to do more for the underprivileged and participate more fully in this world.

After two and half years in Africa I bought a one-way ticket to the next continent, South America. I would relearn how to sit, appreciate, reflect, listen, and serve. I would take time to observe and enjoy simply being present. It would be the start of an unexpected journey for spiritual truth.

It began with a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat in Brazil. From 4:30 a.m. until 9 p.m. each day, I sat in firm determination, practicing noble silence and refraining from speaking, reading and writing. Challenged to go deep by using the techniques taught, helped me work towards mastering my mind in order to focus, observe, be present and control habitual reactions such as impatience and intolerance. This course, the first of seven I would take, acted as the catalyst for my spiritual journey. From here on, I trained myself to become a better observer so that I could slowly break down my ego, be more loving and compassionate and witness lifes truths for myself.

Afterwards, my travels took on a whole new meaning. No longer interested in just ticking off places to see, I was now committed to meeting people, practicing kindness and generosity, and sharing stories, ideas, hopes, dreams, and fears.

After my second meditation retreat in Peru, a few co-mediators led me to an opportunity to develop a volunteer training program near the Amazon jungle: A.N.I.A. - The Association for Children and their Environment. This non-profit's mission is to develop the values and practices of social and environmental responsibility in children by facilitating their active participation in building a better world for all living organisms.

Here is where I came face to face with the awareness of my patience and tolerance levels, which were constantly challenged in the Amazon where the absence of electricity and running water amidst the heavy rains, thick mud, intense humidity, and the myriad of insects, kept me in check. Using the techniques learned from the meditation courses helped me tolerate and move beyond the physical discomforts, including my never-ending desire to scratch, and to patiently enjoy the present moment. Daily, I would greet each person in the village of 40 with a kiss on the cheek, hugged the children with all the love I could muster up. I woke up every day, craving for their loud and proud, “Good morning Teacher!!!” Whenever there was no sitting space for me, one of the children would bring a chair for me to sit on. If they had sweets, they would always share. They earnestly asked me, “Teacher, please teach us English today…por favor!” They were the most loving, caring, well-mannered and most attentive children I have ever had the privilege of being around.

Working with everyone - the precious community children of the jungle, local volunteers, and even the founder, Joaquin, who seemed the embodiment of Holden Caulfield in the way he aimed to understand the children's world - was the first time I'd ever felt true altruism, inspiring my ultimate desire to carrying out my vow upon my return to the United States.

I've just returned from my four years abroad at University of Life and now ready to follow through with my vow of working with disadvantaged children and other projects that need my help.

What are my next steps? At the moment, I'm now decompressing, going through a bit of a culture shock and trying to to make sense of my trip by writing a book and making a movie. Currently, I'm a child advocate for abused and neglected children and volunteer every eight weeks with the homeless people of San Francisco.

Member Since: Thursday, May 25 2006

Last Visit: 117 days ago.

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